This post is way overdue. I had having some issues with my bandwidth which kicked my ass out of my site every time I tried to log in. I hope the issue is fixed so I don’t have to smash my head on a wall the next time it happens.

This post was really fun to write and this  stories contains some gold if you dig deep enough. So let’s get to it right now!

 

In Swolesville, the crown belongs to a two headed beast. One head is known as the Bench Press while the other is the Bicep Curl. Triceps kickback is the beautiful queen, while the squat and deadlifts are prisoners hidden from mankind.

The squat and deadlifts were imprisoned because the two headed king felt threatened. Tales from across the land sung praises of the superpowers the squat and deadlifts possessed. The King could not sleep at night, so he ordered his minions of leg extensions and triceps kickbacks to capture the heroes.

After a long battle, many of the king’s minions were destroyed. However, the squat and deadlift both succumb to DOMS and decided to raise the white flag. They are now in the prison cell of Flanet Pitness.

However their story does not end here. 3 unknown warriors have been preparing themselves to liberate them and slay the two headed King. Nights of forging their abilities and they are now ready for battle.

Before this epic battle goes down, let’s take time to recognize our heroes. Let us remember the names of the 3 people that will save Galaxy Exercistica.

 

1. Weighted Push Ups

His forefathers were once recognized as the epitome of upper body power. With the ability to create a chest of steel that blunt knives and deflect bullets, his name was a regular in the army scene.

However, when the bench press arrived in Swolesville, people started to abandon the push up. The bench press deceived many by telling that the only way to make your chest grow bigger than your girlfriend’s is through him.

Needless to say, people almost completely abandon the push up and chose the bench press. They were often plagued with shoulder aches caused by an internally rotated shoulder. When the people raised these issues to the king, the reply they received was: “no pain, no gain”.

It is now time for the push up to reclaim the spotlight. With the ability to allow the scapula to move freely it doesn’t beat up the shoulders as much. The push up also teaches valuable lessons on keeping the anterior core and body tight. Last but not least, the ultimate superpower the push up has is the ability to make your chest harder then diamonds.

2. Kroc Rows

Hailing from the Row family, Mr Kroc is not well known in Galaxy Exercistica. He rarely appears in the spotlight and when he does, he disappears almost immediately. He appears only to save the world and kick the villain’s ass.

Those that have seen Mr. Kroc will spread the tale of his astounding abilities. It is funny how Mr. Kroc is not noticeable since one of his ability is to create a back so wide it can block out sunlight. He was never a twilight fan and whenever Edward Cullen sparkles in the sun, he will unleash his back, blocking out all the sun, preventing Edward Cullen from shinning.

Another reason why, Mr Kroc is feared by many is because of his juggernaut grip. Legend speaks of when he worked at a factory specialized in turning rocks into sand. He simply did it by closing his hands with the rock in it. This is probably why all the villains that oppose him end up with a broken neck.

Mr. Kroc only appears when requested, and there is a special ritual that needs to be done if summoning him is your wish. Follow these steps wisely to make sure he appears:

1. Hold a dumbbell in one hand; place the free hand on a bench for support.

2. Bend your hips till your shoulders are around 15-20 degrees higher than your hips.

3. Pull the dumbbell up till it touches your chest

4. Lower the dumbbell completely, feeling a stretch in your lats.

5. Perform this 20-40 times

6. Watch Mr. Kroc appear before your very eyes

 

While this might look simple, there are two things that to take not of if you want Mr. Kroc to appear. The first is not to use wrist straps; doing so will destroy the ability of Mr. Krocs crushing grip.

The next thing is, the dumbbell used must be moderately heavy. If you try summoning Mr. Kroc with a 5kg dumbbell, he will appear, but you will be his next victim.

For beginners, do not try attempting to summon Mr Kroc if you can’t lift 25kg on the row. Stick to the other members of the row family before summoning Mr Kroc.

 

3. Good mornings

She is a legend.

Good morning is actually the sworn sister of deadlift. When they served in the army, she was his support. Good morning made sure deadlift was always ready for battle and performed at his peak. In short, they worked hand in hand and formed a formidable team.

She did her job so well; deadlift said that he can never have a good morning without her support. Hence, that name was given to her.

However, her name was tainted when minions of the King started spreading rumours of her wrecking the backs of many. The allegations got worse and she left the army to return to her quiet life.

Women are pretty complicated, so in order to persuade good morning to appear in time of trouble, this is the ritual that needed to be done:

1. Push the hips backward with the glutes sticking out to start the movement.

2. As the body hinges backward, the torso will lean forward. The entire spine is in a neutral position with a moderate arch in the low back. The core should be tight and the chest is expanded with a big belly breathe.

3. When you hips can no longer go back, the glutes and hamstrings should be on fire. Upper back and the entire body must remain tight and no collapse must occur.

4. Contract the glutes to bring the hips forward and stand tall to finish the movement.

Doing this will activate the superpowers of good morning which is largely similar to the powers of the deadlift, legs that can kick an elephant to another planet.

Wrapping Up

To end this story, it is up to you to choose which superhero would represent you. Here are the profile of your heroes once again:

 

 

Hero: Weighted Push-Up

 

Powers: Horse shoes tricpes, chest of steel and safer compared to the bench press.

 

Hero: Kroc Rows

 

Powers: Barn door back, crushing grip and potential bicep growth.

 

Hero: Good Mornings

 

Powers: Hamstring and glutes that can kick an elephant to the moon and helps bring up the deadlift.

 

 

The fate of Glaxy Exercistica liesin your hands. Play the heroes well and bring back the glory the Squat and Deadlifts deserves. I bid you good luck in reclaiming the crown my fellow meat-head.

 

 

 

 

I hope all of you enjoyed the story I wrote. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section and if you decide to give the exercises a go, do let me know how you like them. 

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