December 31^st as I cuddled with you on the couch, trying to get you to go to sleep.. I remember you smelled a bit musty from playing. You finally did fall asleep�on the living room floor, of course.

I go back a few hours earlier, at Grandma Bonnie�s house as you played so well by yourself. You had found a train track and was putting it together � all alone- and I thought "how good Mikey is getting, just look at him put that track together" His Papa Terry taught him that! You were so good as we played cards. As we got ready to leave, Bonnie decided to keep Damien. You said "you can�t keep him, he is NOT your baby!" He is mine. I had to explain I could not hold both of you at night so the baby had to stay, but we would get him in the morning.

January 1^st; you wake early and lay and watch TV. As I lay groggily, trying to sleep a bit more = me on the couch = you on your blankets on the floor. I hear you "mamma , mamma , LOOK, Coal is sleeping with me" as you pat him on the butt. Now, I wonder, was that it, was that when Mikey got sick?

January 1^st, you finally get me up. In to the potty you go. Look Papa, I go poop on the potty! You were so proud of yourself. You spent a long time in the tub this morning, just playing. Finally, you are ready! It is time to go get YOUR baby.

January 1^st, you and D exchange wet kisses and hugs (is this the moment, you got sick?) and both fall asleep in the back of the car. We are now at mommy�s. You wake up and climb the stairs. Mommy I have a baby brother, his name is Damien. AND I wonder, were you already sick? I did not know this was my last time to see you.

January 2^nd; I am off work. I think about you, consider calling your mom and picking you up to go to the museum. I don�t do it. I have to get ready for Papa�s day.

January 3^rd; I keep thinking I am going to call you. But, I am tired. Grandma Bonnie can�t come to Papa�s birthday. Daddy and Brandy say they are coming. So I make a special meal, we play cards. I did not call and I am forever sorry.

January 3^rd, we are tired, lying on the couch, the call comes and then another. You are gone. And the memories start over�.

We are at the zoo; you got hurt when you jumped from the train. Was that when you got sick?

We are at Bonnie�s opening presents � I have the pictures. You look so happy!

We come back home and you and Papa play in the sandbox. "Papa", I need more sand " and Papa says alright Bubba I will get it for you" � I can still see you sitting in the sand box as I try to coax you out to go see all the animals at the zoo and the lights. You finally give in and get in the car.

As we drive, you insist we go get Daddy. We do and he comes along. So do Jason and Kelly. What a nice night. The weather is warm and we ride the tram and then the train � you jump off and hit your jaw � I hold you till you stop crying and we then pull you in the wagon to the car. "Mamma, I don�t think I like this park" I got hurt. Now, I think, was this the cause, is this what made you sick?

Where does it stop? When will I not remember? You were getting so big. Talking. Playing. So excited about Christmas. We had to go to the mall the first weekend Santa visited. You had your picture taken and were SO serious about it. "Mamma, Santa is going to bring me toys!"

And I keep remembering�You had to stop to show Papa Terry the picture of Santa. Boy, what a fight it was for you to let go of those pictures so we could cut one for Terry and Kay. But, we finally convinced you. Little did we know�.

And the memories go on�

"JASON, JAASSOON! You yell up the stairs�

"Papa, cut the grass

"Papa, it STINKS in here (your rats and snakes of course�)

"Papa, take me to the park (as we are trying to take you home�we are so tired after running after you today�.little did we know..) Papa, Mamma, LOOK at the lights..It is Santa! as we drive you home, tired as always�

"Mama, I think I will go see Papa Terry" �again as we are trying to take you home�and once again we are calling Terry to see if you can come visit�

I see you with your fishing pool at Papa Terry and Kays

I hear you when I am pulling you in the park by the river "mamma, I forgot my fishing pole"�and I think�THAT comes from his Papa Terry!

I hear you at the Zoo that last weekend�as you run behind your dad�THAT is MY Daddy! As he looks up at me smiling! Oops, there are the elephants and then the snowmen and dancing penguins�I have the pictures. You look so happy.

And, January 1^st at 12:00 at night�Mamma, I want my mommy. And I say, not tonight hunny. "I want my mommy" We will see her in the morning Bubs. "okay"

Little did we know�.And the memories never stop�nor do the tears.

You were part of all of us. So deeply imbedded in our hearts that you will never go away.

As the song says "If I had one wish, I would wish for one more day with you"

Have we all learned anything? Do we still think�Oh; I will call so and so tomorrow. I will pick up the baby�tomorrow�Oh, I will make up later, today I am still pissed�

I will do�..I will see�I am too tired today, I will do it tomorrow, .I deserve this time to MYSELf, today, I will call�whoever, tomorrow�

And, I see you clearly, walking in Walmart, dragging a toy man in one arm and the drum set in the other�oh boy, look at Papa�s face�

I see you, in the park�remember when?